THIS IS MY SECRET

Finally, a new post!

Gosh, I've been really bad about posting, but this time it's not a video game keeping me away. Even though there's so much I want to share (like new music, new TV shows, random thoughts, funny stories about my life), today I want to share with you my secret!

So, what's my secret?

It's actually not that big of a secret. I've told many people about it, but not everyone. And I think it's about time...

And I shall unveil it by ripping off Kristin Cashore's blog, author of the enjoyable Graceling. I'm so original!

"Then, at last, sitting on her stretcher-bed, she took from the very bottom of her pack an old peacock-blue scarf folded around a heavy, square book. She unwrapped it and opened it very carefully, as if guilty secrets might fall from between its pages like pressed flowers. This was Harry's secret. She was a writer." 

-from The Tricksters, by Margaret Mahy

I didn't even re-type it, just straight copied and pasted from her blog. Ahh, so lazy, lah.
But the first time I read this on Kristin Cashore's blog, it really made sense to me. Sometimes, I feel writing is indeed my secret.

So if people wonder what I do at home, this is it--I write.

No, I don't write longhand. Actual letters just looked cooler than someone typing on a computer.

Yup, I'm a wannabe writer! Been doing it seriously for almost 6 years now, even though I took close to a 2-year break up until recently. It's been a dream of mine, and with ebooks these days, I feel I can finally take things into my own hands. After all, nobody's going to make my dream come true except for moi.

That's right, between going to work, going to school, and studying for the CPA exam, I popped out four novels and many half-written books in the past 6 years.

Now, however, I finally feel I've been working on the one. I started the one in May 2010. Yup, three freaking years ago! But I did take a 2-year break, though it's still been one long project. Before I talk more about the one, let's start from the beginning so that my story can possibly inspire others to do the same thing (Oh, who am I kidding? I just want to talk about myself, lol.)

So, how did it all start?

I guess it really started when I was little. Growing up, I always loved to read. Maybe it's because my mom is a reader, I'm not sure, but after playing outside and goofing off, I'd always come home to a fun book. My favorite was Encyclopedia Brown. Man, I loved that series!

Want to know where all the Social Security money went? Ask Encyclopedia Brown! This kid can solve anything!

Then when I was a little older, my favorite switched to The Babysitters Club.

Glad even the 80's always included a token Asian and Black person in the group.

Sweet Valley High was probably a close second, but I wasn't really a fan of the third-person voice.

Whatever happened to the TV show? Oh, right--it sucked! That's what happened.

Then I began to write stories in my spiral notebooks, but at the time I didn't think getting published was actually something that could happen. Making up characters and writing about their interactions was just fun for me. I would look at celebrity photos and create a whole new persona for them, pretending they were characters in my book (funny thing is, I still do this now just so I have a feel for what my characters look like). I had several notebooks filled with all my stories. 

Then in my teenage rebellion years, reading was considered lame-O! I abandoned pretty much anything and everything that had to do with writing or reading. 

Yeah, I didn't really enjoy the mandatory school reading list: Lord of the Flies, The Scarlet Letter, The Good Earth, etc. I literally thought all authors had to do to get published was to write a really freaking boring book!

But along came a few books that were too good not to read, namely The Da Vinci Code and Harry Potter. Soon, I was reading every day and scouring the internet for reviews on good books. Teen or adult, I didn't care, as long as the book fell under either the "fun" or "good" category, I'd read it. And that's when I clicked on a "people who bought this also bought this" link on Amazon.com which lead me to Twilight.

Ah, Twilight. The most beloved and also most hated series on the planet.

Beloved because most girls just absolutely adore the books.

Hated because the movies suck, and every boyfriend/husband in the world is probably sick of hearing about it and doesn't get what the deal is.

And also hated because it's just too mainstream and popular for it's own good.
I don't think this is true for all things, but I do think most of the time, once the word gets out that _insert something wonderful you're obsessed about_ is no longer a secret and everybody knows about it, it's not cool anymore because it's too mainstream and everyone starts hating it instead.

But you know what? Back when the Twilight book first came out--before there was a movie, before most people knew about it--all it got was love! I'm not ashamed to admit that I loved the Twilight books.

When I first read it, I imagined Edward as a better-looking/cooler/buffer James Franco. 

Says James Franco: I could've been a good Edward Cullen.
Because being an actor, writer, Oscar host, film teacher, screenplay teacher, English teacher, PhD candidate at Yale, art exhibitionist, and short story author isn't keeping me busy enough.

Unfortunately, now with the movie being out, nobody can ever read it again without Robert Pattinson's Frankenstein side profile popping into their brain. Or Jacob's I-glued-horsetail-onto-my-head fake long hair. Or Kristin Stewart's monotone voice. 

But I have to thank Twilight, more specifically Stephenie Meyer, because without it's existence, I would never be pursuing my passion today.

Before I ever read the book, I actually read Stephenie Meyer's post on her blog about how she got Twilight published. I had no idea what the book was about. After I read her post, it caught my interest enough that I read Twilight in like record time, and thought afterwards, "Man, getting published sounds easy! Just have a dream, write a book about it, send out some query letters, and get rich and famous!"

Boy, was I dumb.

I thought the very first book I wrote was awesome. I literally thought, "Suck it, Harry Potter! My piece of work is infinitely better!" I imagined living in a mansion, getting my own interviews about how I came up with the idea for my book, going to the movie premiere, and having millions of screaming fans fall in love with my characters like they were rock stars. But no, it was just my over-inflated ego daydreaming.

Looking back, the book idea wasn't bad, the character's weren't horrible, but overall the book sucked. I'm actually glad I got rejection letter after rejection letter. Yes, glad. That's how bad it was. As many books and articles I read about character development and story telling, I think it took me a long time to truly develop the skills I needed to in order to write a decent book. I'm not saying the one is perfect, but it's by far the best book I've written, and I would probably even be somewhat proud of the one once it's released to the world.

I think all writers go through this phase where they think any book they pop out of their ass is New York Times Bestseller-worthy, and they don't understand why it gets rejected. Of course, many people actually do get this lucky, and that's why there's so much crap out there floating around in the market. But as time goes on, you get over yourself, and suddenly your first piece of art isn't as dazzling as you once thought it was. You become a serious writer. And then you think you suck because you suddenly realize what it actually takes to write a good story. And it's not easy. 

Although, I bet if people read the one, they wouldn't really know how much work went into it unless they started out as a crap writer like myself. It would probably seem like a book that was a breeze to write, and they'd be right in many aspects. It's probably not going to cause some ground-breaking, life-changing moment after you read my book. It'll probably come off as a simple, light story. But I can say I put a ton of thought into creating every character to make them as 3-D as possible, not to mention the dynamics of their relationships, and trying to weave in any world-building explanations in a way that doesn't seem out-of-place, while trying to make all the different pieces of the plot come together so it's not one jumbled mess. This book has literally sucked the life out of me. A lot of sleepless nights. A lot of McDonald's Medium Iced Caramel Coffees with three extra creamers.

But if I can just get one person to fall in love with my book, all my effort will be worth it. It sounds lame, but it's to the point where I feel my characters deserve to be known. Otherwise, I'd be doing them a disservice. Even if everybody on the planet hates my book, it's even scarier for me to have people not know about it.

So now I need to hole myself up and work on it. I'm not working as hard as I should be, I admit, because something always distracts me. If it's not video games, then it's anime on hulu.com! But the wheels have been set in motion, and without getting into too many details, I am hoping to have the book up for sale as an ebook on July 31, 2013. Be warned: I am going to shamelessly promote it. You will probably be annoyed. 

There will be a lot of people I will thank when it's said and done. But there's one kid I'd definitely have to include.

In sixth grade, I would make the boy I sat next to (his name was Andy) read my stories. He would tell me what he thought of them, and which stories he liked the best.

Then one day he said: Hey, when you publish your first book, will you dedicate it to me?
Me: Yeah!
Him: You promise?
Me: Of course!
Him: Yeah, right. You'll probably forget by then.
Me: No, I promise, I won't forget.

And now, 21 years later, I still remember.