GETTING A TATTOO

For no reason whatsoever--which, about 90% of the time, is why I do most things--I decided to write a post about getting a tattoo.

I always hear people telling me they want one, but they're too scared, or just asking me questions about tattoos in general. Yes, I get not everyone is curious about them, and I'm no expert. But I do have 9 tattoos and counting, so I'd say I have some experience (12 if you also count the two that I lasered off and one I covered up).

I remember my very first tattoo...

I was 15. Me and my friend, Celia, were bored out of our minds and decided getting a tattoo sounded fun. Of course, we were both underage so we couldn't just stroll into a legit tattoo shop. We'd have to go the stupid route--getting them done by some ghetto wanna-be gangster at his house. 

Like most teenagers, once I got an idea in my head, I was not stopping until I reached my goal. So I called around (or actually, paged around because that's what everyone did back then) until an older girl at my school named Ann called me back. She had a tattoo, and yeah, it was ugly as sh*t. But for some stupid reason I thought the person she was going to refer me to was different than the person who did hers because on the phone she said, "He's really good!" I mean, unless she never looked in the mirror or was just completely delusional, she'd have to know her tattoo looked like a retarded kid drew on her with a black Sharpie, right?

But nope, that's how dumb I was.

So, Celia and I called our friend A-wei who drove us to Westminster in his old Toyota Cressida with no power steering. We went into the house, greeted by two tatted-up thug guys in wife beaters. And, for some reason I will never understand, I decided to go first. Maybe I just wanted to be the brave, "down" one. So dumb.

Literally, the guy was tattooing me with one hand while drinking and holding a beer in the other.

After Celia saw the outcome, of course she backed out.

I left the house, got into A-wei's car, and just started crying my eyes out like a two-year-old baby thinking WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF?!!? 

Our older friend Grace was also in the car. She was kind of a tough chick and told A-wei to remember the address in case we ever wanted to get revenge. We never did, but at the time, it made me feel better just to know she cared enough. 

Luckily, years later I got it lasered off and covered it up with something much prettier. 

And I've come a long way since then. Unfortunately, I had to learn from experience and still plan to fix/laser off some of my own. So I'd like to share with you my tips on getting a tattoo. 


THINGS YOU MUST COME TO TERMS WITH BEFORE GETTING A TATTOO

1) The first and most important thing of all--YOU HAVE TO NOT GIVE A CRAP WHAT ANYONE THINKS. Pretty much after getting one (if it's a decent size) people will be judging you for the rest of your life. You will be hearing people left and right going, "Why did you get that? I would never do that to myself," and a billion other negative comments. But you know what? Seriously, for every person who asks, "Why did you do that?" there's a person around the corner that gets it and tells you how pretty and awesome your tattoo is. No joke. Almost without fail, at least a few times a week, strangers approach me and compliment my tattoos. I'd like to be humble and say I get sick of it, but I really don't. It honestly makes my day.

Another thing people always try to remind you of is how ugly it's going to look once you're old. Well, the way I see it, it's gonna look good for at least 20-30 years. And by the time it does look like crap, you're gonna be so old and falling apart and just striving to be healthy that the last thing on your mind is gonna be your ugly tattoo. In fact, you might even look at it and be fond of it, remembering the good times when you were young.  And later, once your tattoo has been on your body for so long, it really becomes a part of you. Kind of like how an old scar just starts to belong. It might be unsightly, but you're so used to seeing it on your arm or leg or wherever that it would be weird if it were suddenly gone.

2) If you're girl, you've gotta know that guys generally aren't fans of girls with big or a lot of tattoos. Sure, something small and cute and girly is okay. But if you go big and bad ass? No bueno. But again, if he's not into tattoos and you are, then that just means he's NOT the one for you. I mean, do you really want to be held back from expressing who you really are just because someone may or may not like you more? 

3) There really isn't such a thing as a perfect tattoo. You will probably nitpick. At first glance, you will always LOVE your new tattoo. But overtime, after staring at it forever, you will start to nitpick all the little imperfections. Or start thinking, "What if I just moved this slightly over here, or changed the color here, etc." It will probably drive some people, who are perfectionists (which I kinda am), crazy. But you've just gotta remember your tattoo is awesome and you're just nitpicking stuff nobody else is even going to notice. (Unless you got a really jacked up tattoo because you didn't read this post! Then you're screwed! lol)

4) There might be times you regret it. Yeah, when you see people with no tattoos at all, and how elegant and normal they look when wearing a dressy gown, there are brief moments when you think, "What if I never got one at all? My body would look really clean." But after a few seconds it passes because in the end, your tattoo is part of who you are. You got it for a reason--whether it was because you thought it was pretty, it represents something meaningful to you, or you just wanted to express yourself somehow--it's YOU. One of my favorite quotes is, "Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." You have to remember you got the tattoo for yourself, not for anyone else. You think Kat Von D gives a f*ck what anyone thinks?

(Yeah, my guess is a big fat NO.)

WHERE TO GET A TATTOO FROM

JUST SAY NO

1) At some dude's house with a home-made tattoo machine = HELL NO!

2) Walking into a random shop you saw on the street and just choosing a flash design (a generic pre-printed design from a book millions of other tattoo shops also have) and gives you a flat rate= FIRM NO!

3) Researching a well-known tattoo shop and getting a piece custom designed for you by an artist where they charge BY THE HOUR = YES!!! SCORE!!!

Good work costs money, but since it's going to be on you for the rest of your life, I'd say it's worth it.


FREE-HAND VS. STENCIL

When I was younger, I always thought free-hand was better. After all, if an artist can free-hand draw a tattoo on you then that proves how bad ass and skilled they are, right? I still think this is true, and I also think it depends on what kind of tattoo you're getting (I have both), but the bad thing about free hand? It's FREE HAND! It's not going to be as detailed, and the lines won't be as straight because there's no guide to help the tattoo artist do their job.

That's why these days I actually prefer stencil. The design is usually drawn on a piece of paper first and, with the help of computers, rulers, and other tools, every line comes out as perfect as can be. Then the artist can just follow the lines once the stencil is placed on the body, and the tattoo usually comes out much more detailed and perfect.

PROS TO FREE-HAND
- Artist has mad talent.
- Because artists don't get a chance to measure your body or actually see where the tattoo will be placed, free-hand allows them to create a design on the spot that matches perfectly to the curves of your body.

CONS TO FREE-HAND
- If the placement isn't perfect, the design must be completely erased and re-drawn, causing the design to be slightly (and even completely) different each time. Very difficult to keep the parts you liked about the first design before it was erased and even harder to keep tweaking the design until it's perfect. It's kind of like a one shot type thing.

PROS TO STENCIL
- Design will be P-E-R-F-E-C-T.
- Design won't change when messing with the placement.
- Easy to fix and change little details to the design without changing the overall piece. The artist will mostly likely have it saved on the computer and can quickly adjust what you like/don't like and have the stencil re-printed.

CONS TO STENCIL
- Sometimes the design may not be as tailored to your body.

But overall, I'd still say the winner is STENCIL!!! ^_^


NEEDLES AND COLORS

FOR NEEDLES
Don't go somewhere where they only use two different needles on you (an outline needle and a shading needle), or worse--just one needle. Different needles are needed to do different things. In general, I'd say three or more and you're in good hands, unless the design is really simple and may only need one. 

The outline needle should also be able to make super thin, sharp, clean lines. Back in the day, maybe because of technology, everyone just got the same semi-thick outline that became thicker and blurrier as the years flew by. This is not the case now. Where before the thickness might've been like 0.7-0.9 pencil lead, these days it can become as thin as 0.3-0.5.

The artist should also double check each freshly new packaged needle with a magnifying glass to make sure the needle is completely straight. Yes, this is what my artist does to make sure nothing gets messed up. And yeah, she's really awesome.

FOR COLORS
Don't go somewhere where they only have one type of black ink. These days, there are many different types of black ink. Some are really thick, used to make really dark outlines. Others are more watery, which comes out a light gray, and there are more in between for all types of shading. Yup, some places just use one type of black ink and use the needle to create the different shades of light and dark, but I think the tattoo will not hold up as well in the long run from this method.

Also, places with all different colors of ink purchased in the bottle are generally better. Now, artists can still mix the primary colors together to make new colors (this is how it used to be done) and it can still come out awesome. I actually have a rose colored this way and it looks beautiful. But unless the artist is really freaking good, the color of the tattoo will probably not be as consistent as pre-made bottled ink. I think some tattoo shops don't buy all the colors to save money, so try to avoid those places.


HOW TO CHOOSE A TATTOO ARTIST

All good artists will have a portfolio. Take the time to look at them, even if you have to visit a billion websites.
Not only will this make you feel comfortable with their level of work, but viewing the different portfolios is crucial in getting to know the artist's style.

What if you want a black and white portrait, but you randomly choose a person who only does new school, colorful cartoon styles? Not the best pick.

Although both are good in their own styles, you wouldn't go to someone who did this...

 ...To get this.

Everybody has a different style, so book an appointment with the artist you think will be the best for that particular tattoo. It may or may not be the same artist for each tattoo idea you have. I think this happens a lot--someone chooses an artist they heard is good, but when the tattoo is said and done, it doesn't come out looking like anything they imagined. Then they blast the artist on Yelp. Sure, the artist probably had some faults, but the client did also in not doing enough research.

In addition, even though it's a tattoo and the artist looks like they live some rock n' roll lifestyle, they should still be PROFESSIONAL. I had one guy show up 20 minutes late to my appointment, stoned out of his mind, and draw my design in, like, five minutes on some crappy ripped up paper. I ended up walking out because I didn't trust him to put something permanent on my body. When I was younger and didn't know any better, I probably would've gone through with it, but not now. 

The artist should never ever ever ever be under the influence. I don't care what it is--drugs, alcohol, prescriptions pills...it's all a no. They should be professional, on time, and already have your design ready for you. Extra points if the design wows you at first sight :)

They should also be willing to spend time with you to make sure the design is perfect, adjusting anything you don't like, and making sure the placement is perfect, even if it means placing and re-placing the stencil a hundred times.

Gloves are also a must. Every time the artist touches something other than your skin (like to drink a bottle of water or taking the gloves off for some reason) they should put a fresh pair of gloves on. If it doesn't feel like a hospital to some degree, like you're about to get your blood drawn, get out. 

Clean tattoo station

They should also wipe away the excess ink while tattooing with fresh, NEW paper towels each time your skin is wiped, not the same old rag throughout the whole process.


YOU'VE DONE ALL THE RESEARCH, NOW WHAT DESIGN SHOULD YOU GET?

Yes, spontaneous tattoos can be fun. A good amount of my earlier ones were spur-of-the moment, but you will probably regret it later. If you're only going to get one or two, it's not a big deal. But any more than that and it's better to have a plan.

For me, I think it's best when tattoos have some sort of cohesiveness to them, instead of just random tattoos placed all over the body with no connection. I'm suffering from that mistake right now. I think tattoos that sort of blend in with your body because of a common color or theme looks the best. Yes, it sucks you can only pick and choose how many cool tattoos you can have, but in the end it looks a lot better. After all, you don't want to end up like the bride who couldn't decide what type of wedding she wanted so she threw in everything but the kitchen sink, which turned into a giant hot mess.

WHAT YOU WANT YOUR TATTOOS TO LOOK LIKE

Christina Perri has a ton of tattoos, but since all of hers are in black and red, it looks like they all match.
Tattoo win.

Amelia Nightmare's tattoos are all colorful and cartoon-like.
Tattoo win.

WHAT YOU DON'T WANT YOUR TATTOOS TO LOOK LIKE

Although both tattoos are done well, Lady Gaga's "Little Monsters" tattoo is placed too close to her other tattoo, and the designs have no relation to each other. Looks like someone didn't plan the placement ahead of time.
Tattoo fail.

This girl just got everything. Some color, some black and white, and a lot of WTF.
Tattoo fail.

Understand that popular placements and tattoo trends change over time. When I was younger, getting black and white gangster tattoos was the thing to do. Dragons, Phoenix, Kanji... Mostly placed on the upper outer arm for guys and upper or lower back for girls. Remember that era?

Remember this, guys? If you see this on someone, you know they grew up listening to Tupac and Biggie.

And who can forget the tribal arm band craze fifteen years ago?

Aren't you glad you didn't do this to yourself?

But these days, people get tattoos in the weirdest and oddest places. In fact,the more creative you can be with the placement, the cooler it is.

I think colors have also come such a long way that I prefer them over black and white tattoos now, at least for girls. Look at what tattoos can look like these days!

I think these days, anything goes. You don't want to follow the trend, and the more unique your tattoo is the better.

If you're still not sure what you want, I'd say first look at pictures of other people's tattoos who got the same design so you have an idea of what you'd want yours to look like. Yes, it's bad etiquette to copy someone else's tattoo, but it's okay to show it to your artist as reference. And trust me, unless you want something seriously unique, chances are people have already gotten the same tattoo. Which is good, actually. Why be the guinea pig when someone else can be?

The other thing I would suggest is printing out a picture of what you want, cutting out the shape, and taping it on the part of your body you're thinking of getting tattooed. That way you can really visualize it on yourself. 

Also know that if you get lettering of any kind, people will forever be asking you what it says. Some people get sick of this and find it annoying (I think I am one of those people). So just be prepared.

So you've picked your design, booked an appointment with a rock star artist, and the day has come for you to make the commitment. When you see your design, if there's anything you don't like, you have to speak up. Yes, you should trust your artist's skill, but you should also trust yourself. If you don't like the way something looks, they would much rather you tell them beforehand instead of having you laser it off later on or covering it up with something else.

I'm not sure about all tattoo artists, but from what I know I believe most of them honestly want the tattoo to come out even better than you do. It's their work, it's their pride. And when they do a bad job, it just breaks them inside. Even on those tattoo reality shows (like Miami Ink, LA Ink, etc.), over and over again, tattoo artists will say the best feeling they get is seeing the shocked look from a super happy client. It's kind of like a standing ovation at the end of an awesome stand-up comedy routine. So don't be scared to "offend" them in any way just because you want to throw in your two cents!


TATTOO ETIQUETTE

- Be nice to your artist :) This should be a given.
- Don't copy someone else's tattoo. I admit, I've been guilty of this, and I don't think I'll do it ever again. You can bring in someone else's tattoo as a reference, but yours should have its own spin.
- Tip your artist. It's a service like getting your hair cut, nails done, or anything else.
- Don't bring an entourage. One person to tag along to hold your hand or something is okay. Anything more is just annoying.
- Turn off your cell phone.
- Bath, and don't be drunk, high, or hungover. Eat something beforehand so you don't faint.


And that about sums it up. What a LONG, useless post for no reason, but I guess if it helps someone then it was worth it. :)

MY FAVORITE ALBUM OF THE WEEK!

Last week's new music releases were a letdown.

I was SO waiting for the new FALL OUT BOY album, which is one of my fave bands. And, well, they probably should have stayed broken up/retired. Now they pulled a Michael Jordan: Instead of going out with a bang, they got back in the game, and it was a shame! (Take that, Nicki Minaj!)

I also downloaded the new album from OLLY MURS and a few songs from the YEAH YEAH YEAHS, but nothing that made me jump out of my seat.

But this week...

After last week's disappointing new music releases, I wasn't expecting anything good. There weren't any albums I was really looking forward to, but I always listen to samples from artists I've never heard of because, hey, you just never know!!

And guess what???

One sample from THE NEIGHBOURHOOD led me to check out their whole album, and no joke--EVERY SONG WAS GOOD. I downloaded the entire album, and I've been listening to it over and over again. What an unexpected delight!! :)

Each song is really well done, but so similar in style that the entire album feels like one long song. I love albums which are like that! I've never heard of them before, and I just love accidentally stumbling upon a new album I adore!

Their sound probably might not be for everyone, but you'd be crazy not to at least give it a try.

Here's my favorite song on the album, SWEATER WEATHER.

My second fave song on the album is ALLEYWAYS, but seriously, all the songs are good.

Hope next week's releases are just as good or better! Anticipating a lot of great albums next week, including YOUNGBLOOD HAWKE and the acoustic version of Siberia from LIGHTS.

Happy listening :)

UNDERSTANDING CELEBRITY TATTOOS

Today, I am one step closer on my journey to becoming enlightened.

I've always wondered what makes McDonald's french fries taste sooo damn good. They're consistently voted as one of the best fries on the planet by fat asses everywhere. And, when they're not over salted, you toss out the little tiny super crispy ones that fall to the bottom, and ignore the super soggy bendy ones that are brown on the edges (even though I like those), they really are SUPER delicious and pretty much the perfect fry...

Until about 2 minutes pass and they turn into cardboard. Gross.

But if you eat a cold fry from anywhere else, like Carl's Jr. or Jack in the Box, the fry at least somewhat resembles its original taste and really isn't that bad. But not McDonald's.

That's when I realized that whatever makes McDonald's fries super delicious when they come out piping hot, must also make it super gross when they turn cold.

And that's when I finally understood Angelina Jolie's tattoo on her lower abdomen: "Quod me nutrit me destruit." Or, in the less cool English translation: "What nourishes me also destroys me."

Ahhh, yes McDonald's fry, yes Angelina, I understand now.

I will now carry this new knowledge as if Confucius said it himself.*

Now if I can only understand wtf Megan Fox's "We will all laugh at gilded butterflies" means I can officially retire.

*I'm also 1000% kidding if anyone is taking me seriously.

MUST READ - WOOL!!!

One of my favorite things in life is hearing about something, dismissing it, finding it again, and having it blow my mind.

This book did exactly that.

I first heard about WOOL from Entertainment Weekly (I subscribe and read religiously--mostly on the toilet LOL). There was a short article about how Hugh Howey, the author of WOOL, uploaded this little ebook (it's only 50 pages long! So no excuses for you "non-readers") to sell on Amazon.com, and without ANY marketing whatsoever, somehow managed to become a huge bestseller. So much so that the film rights have been sold to 20th Century Fox with Ridley Scott attached to direct (he has tons of known projects, Alien and Gladiator, just to name a few. Look him up on IMDB--yes, he's the big time, folks).

Soon, readers were begging Mr. Probably-Butt-Rich-Now-Howey for more and he expanded WOOL into a series (I believe there are 5 books in total, and a related 6th book set in the same world). And I'd have to say, after reading it last night, Hugh Howey deserves every drop of recognition he's been getting. 

So, how did I find this book again and eventually have it blow my mind?

After reading the Entertainment Weekly article sometime last year, I made a mental note to look up the book/author. I'm always intrigued to learn about how authors blow up by selling ebooks instead of going the traditional publishing route. I, myself, have been rejected year after year and am also now planning to go the ebook route. (Sometimes, you just want your book to be freaking read--by anyone!) But somehow I forgot about it and it just drifted into some far-off corner in the back of my mind. I'd like to say life got in the way, but really it was just TV, video games, and a few doctor-prescribed bong loads that got in the way.

Fast forward to yesterday night--I couldn't sleep because of a huge pounding headache. The boyfriend was sleeping next to me and I didn't want to wake him, so like an awesome girlfriend I just chose to read with my Kindle Paperwhite in the dark.

I started shopping for samples of books, wanting to actually read Wild by Cheryl Strayed since I heard about all the good reviews. I typed "W" in the search box and what do you know... WOOL popped up as a suggestion. Suddenly, my sober brain played connect-the-dots and I remembered the EW article. I clicked on it, still debating whether it was worth my time (after all, a few good books were in the running--World War Z, Wild, and Reconstructing Amelia) until I found out it was free. FREE, peoples, FREE! As in you get something for NOTHING. As in even if it's the crappiest thing ever written, you can still keep that last penny you were saving to throw into that fountain at the mall you always see (you know, the normal fountain turned wishing fountain because people saw running water contained inside some kind of stone and decided it was magical) and join the rest of the people who beg the spirits above to PLEASE LET ME AT LEAST BE SMARTER THAN RYAN LOCHTE. And even though I was well aware that authors reel you in by giving the first in the series away for free, and then having you pay for the rest, at some point you gotta ask yourself--what the heck is free these days? So I downloaded it. For FREE.

And as soon as I read the very first line, I was hooked: "The children were playing while Holston climbed to his death; he could hear them squealing as only happy children do."

How can you not be hooked with an opening line like that? And the rest of the book is written as well as the first line, if not better. Hugh Howey is not some stay-at-home mom who just happened to pop a book out of his ass. He's legit. Like 2 legit 2 quit. 

Well, I won't give any more away because I think this is one of those the-less-you-know-the-better-type stories. Just be prepared to blow through the 50 pages super quick, and believe me, you'll be thinking about the story long after you're done. Don't you love stories that do that to you?

Of course, I immediately downloaded 2-5 in the series (not free this time, but not bad at all--$5.99 for all of them). I haven't dug in yet, but I'm hoping once I do, sleeping, eating, and bathing will all become secondary to finishing this incredible story. That's when I know it's damn good.

So hurry and read it and join the cool club! :)

GIVING DEEP MEANINGS TO OTHERWISE MEANINGLESS THINGS

Being stuck in traffic is boring. I know, what a shocker.

But seriously, it makes me analyze things way too much for no reason other than to keep myself entertained.

And so, I came up with this analogy about how life is like driving, because what's more fun than giving deep meanings to things that are senseless?


Driving is like life...

It's up to you to take the initiative and switch lanes to pass up folks who choose to just cruise. The ones who don't just end up being stuck forever, going nowhere.

Of course, there are always risks involved. The greater the risk, the greater the reward. You can go slow and steady, which lessens the risk, but will take you longer to reach your goal. Or you can drive wayyyy fast and risk crashing and burning or getting pulled over. But if you avoid both obstacles, you're extremely lucky and end up getting ahead the quick way.

You can also pull into a lane you THINK is going fast. You're flying through traffic now, super happy you switched into this lane, doing all you can to stop yourself from rolling down the window and shouting, "See you suckers! (insert Dr. Evil laugh here)" to all the losers who are still stuck in the old lane... only to slam on the brakes in order to stop yourself from crashing into the sea of red brake lights up ahead. Great! Just great! This lane is even slower than the old one. To make things worse, the gray Camry behind you in the old lane just passed you up! Now you're cursing yourself, full of regret. You thought you made a good decision at the time, only to find out had you been patient and just stayed where you were, you would've been better off. People who were slower than you are passing you by now. 

But guess what? Eventually, the traffic clears and you catch up, and if you keep persisting you even pass the gray Camry again.

The worst part is none of this is in your control. You can't control or predict traffic, you can only use your own skills to navigate your car through the hell that is Southern California.

But the thing you've gotta always remember--even when there's total gridlock, nobody's moved an inch in the last half hour, and it seems completely hopeless--everybody has always gotten to where they needed to go. Slow or fast, you'll eventually get to your destination as long as you just keep putting your foot on the gas and push forward.


And that's all! Like all good things, my wonderful deep thought must come to an end LOL... But of course, I couldn't have done this by myself. Thank you 405 freeway for inspiring me.

HOW TO WRITE A SITCOM

Well, since I got my newer, more futuristic cable box, I've had absolutely no TV shows to watch.  The cable box is about as well-designed as an Ikea instruction diagram (if you think that's a positive trait, I want you on my team for Pictionary).

The box seems to have a life of its own, randomly deciding to restart at any time and erasing ALL my saved DVR shows, while not recording any new shows that I've scheduled.  What's that you say?  Watch TV the regular way using the guide like a third-rate chimpanzee?  I will not be subject to this injustice!  IT'S INHUMANE!  We have rights!  No person in this age should have to be subject to commercial cruelty!

So, I've been resorting to what's available on On Demand.  Yeah, there's still commercials here and there, but they're usually really short.  And as a result, I've turned to watching the sitcom Whitney.

I seriously never hear about this show, or see any commercials for it (except before it previewed the first season), or know anyone personally who watches it.  Yet, it's still here.  And even though I watched a few episodes of the first season and wasn't feeling it, like an annoying Ke$ha song, the second season of Whitney just happened to magically grow on me.  Now sixteen episodes later, I actually like Whitney.  And because I like to play producer in my own head, I totally know why I feel the second season works while the first season didn't.

As a result, I think I've figured out HOW TO WRITE A SITCOM with these 5 simple tips:


1)  Have a central location where all the characters regularly hang out at.

In season two of Whitney, the writers/producers/ratings whores/whatever you call them had one of the main characters in the group, Mark, buy a bar called "The Low Bar".  Now they have a place to hang out.  And it makes all the difference in the world.

Season one the entire gang had no place to hang out.  You would never really see every character together in one scene unless they were at some special outing somewhere completely unfamiliar to the viewer.  BIIIG MISTAKE.  After all, where would Friends be without Central Perk, or How I Met Your Mother without MacLaren's?  And of course, Cheers. 

I think a common place where the gang can all hangout is crucial for a sitcom to succeed.  This is where the magic happens!  You can see the characters interact altogether, feel the chemistry between the entire cast, watch them banter back and forth, and lots of other "Man, I wish I had friends like that--they're so funny!" moments.  Even on The New Girl and The Big Bang Theory, everyone hangs out at their apartment most of the time, and have a few side places they always visit (Nick's bar for The New Girl and the comic book shop for The Big Bang Theory).  Without a central location for every person in the gang to hang out at just spells disaster.  Which brings me to my next point...


2)  Expand the gang to where there's at least 5 main characters, meaning you actually care what happens in all of their lives, not just one or two.

Season one of Whitney, Alex and Whitney were the main two characters, while everyone else were just side characters.  Yes, you saw them, yes sometimes they were funny, but you didn't actually really know anything about their lives or care whether they died or not, or even what the heck their names were.  

Season two of Whitney, however, you do know their names.  Sometimes, there's even episodes where Alex and Whitney aren't the main characters and the other people are.  I think the main goal is to get the audience to be invested in the entire cast.  Once again, I want to point out Friends because when people know the first AND last name of each character, you know you've done something right.  (Chandler Bing, Rachel Green, Monica and Ross Geller, come on we all know this...)


3)  It's not enough for each character to just be funny, they have to be different enough to each add something to the show.  Extra points if they have quirky habits.

Using Whitney as an example again, season one nobody had their own quirks.  Like yeah, there were little differences, but everyone was too normal.  Sometimes, I still feel that way even watching season two, but it's improved A LOT.  After watching season two, I can totally see Lily is the weird hippy-ish chick that doesn't have her life together, Roxanne is the bitchy one who's rich, Mark's kind of a loser on the outside but really isn't in terms of his life, Whitney's crazy, and I guess Alex is just an all-around good, funny guy.  Season one everyone just seemed to be making jokes (mostly observational humor) without really any distinct personality traits.  Throw in a new character R.J., the black guy, in season two and you've really got a mixed bag now.

I still think Whitney can improve on the character quirks, however.  Come on, every character has to have a distinctive quirk.  Monica with her obsessive cleanliness, Joey and his love of sandwiches, Raj can't talk to girls, and Sheldon has about two million too many to list.  These quirks make us remember them and love them for it.


4)  Have at least two characters live close to each other unless three or more characters live in a single apartment.

I think the rule goes like this: at least two characters (or combo of single/single, couple/couple, or single/couple) need to live nearby each other (the others can live in some magical fairly land we never see or care about) UNLESS three or more characters live in a single apartment, then it's okay if nobody lives close to each other.

I mean, you've gotta be able to barge into your friend's nearby apartment without knocking.  Otherwise, where would all the "Oops! I shouldn't have seen you do that" or "I definitely caught you at a bad time, be back later" jokes go?  Same rule applies when three or more people live together, except instead of nearby apartment it's nearby room.  You're bound to catch them doing something you shouldn't have.

Friends had Chandler and Joey live across the hall from Monica and Rachel.
The Big Bang Theory has Sheldon and Leonard live across the hall from Penny.
The New Girl has Nick, Jess, Winston, and Schmidt living together.
How I Met Your Mother had Ted living with Lily and Marshall.
Seinfeld had Jerry and Kramer live across from each other.
Even Whitney has Alex and Whitney living in the same building as Mark.


5)  Have an inside joke or on-going game(s) between the gang.

How I Met Your Mother is king of this.  And every other sitcom previously mentioned (Friends, The New Girl, The Big Bang Theory, and I'm sure many more) have this element as well. 

It's that moment you get when you watch the characters interact on the show and you get envious and think, "Man, they're sooo much fun!" And despite how much you love your friends (and you do), you glance at your friend blobbing out on the couch, completely focused on their cell phone, another one zoned into some video game, and maybe a third cooking some crap in your kitchen and making a mess, while you're itching to do something fun or at the very least have a funny, engaging conversation without the help of alcohol or mind-altering substances, and you can't help but think, "Hmm, if only I could trade them in..."


Well, there you have it.  My own made-up tips on how to write a sitcom.  Now let's all become millionaires like Jerry Seinfeld and quit our day jobs.  Oops, I already have (minus the millionaire part).

THE BIG ISLAND OF HAWAII

Time to post some long overdue pictures I took of Hilo/Kona on the big island of Hawaii.

Don't you love how Hawaii makes EVERYONE look like a professional photographer just by pushing the click button?

Ahh nature, you artist you....

The downside to this beauty?  For each breathtaking view in Hawaii, there's a cockroach or centipede waiting to jump on your face.

SONG OF THE WEEK - NEW RELEASES

Every Tuesday I log onto Amazon.com and Itunes (oops, oh right it's iTunes with the 2nd letter in caps instead of the first cause Apple is sooo cool - shouldn't it be aPple then? Anyway...) to see all the new music releases for the week.  It's kind of like a weekly Christmas for me, except I hate some months where there's just an absolute dry spell of good music being released.  Like all the good artists are recording at the same time, kind of like how all the radio stations play commercials at the exact same time.  Seriously, do they have a pact going on or something?  Thank God for the iPod in my iCar.

This week, I'm loving the new Paramore album!  Especially this song ~ STILL INTO YOU.
Makes me wanna drive-with-the-top-down-but-since-i-don't-own-a-convertible-rolled-down-windows-will-have-to-do.
Makes me super happy I wanna sing it all the time and learn to play it on the guitar and then annoy the hell out of people while blindly thinking I'm actually entertaining them by doing some rad acoustic cover!

THE BEGINNING OF THE BEGINNING

OMG this is it!  I'm actually blogging again!!  Anyone who cares show me by NOT commenting below... Wow!  SO many people care!  I'm touched :)

I'll probably be posting a buttload of entries right off the bat to get this up and running.  So in case you're wondering the answer is yes, this is what people who are unemployed and allowed to stay up until 7am on a weeknight are allowed to do (hey, "allowed" to do sounds a lot better than "absolutely got jack sh!t going on otherwise.")