HOW TO WRITE A SITCOM

Well, since I got my newer, more futuristic cable box, I've had absolutely no TV shows to watch.  The cable box is about as well-designed as an Ikea instruction diagram (if you think that's a positive trait, I want you on my team for Pictionary).

The box seems to have a life of its own, randomly deciding to restart at any time and erasing ALL my saved DVR shows, while not recording any new shows that I've scheduled.  What's that you say?  Watch TV the regular way using the guide like a third-rate chimpanzee?  I will not be subject to this injustice!  IT'S INHUMANE!  We have rights!  No person in this age should have to be subject to commercial cruelty!

So, I've been resorting to what's available on On Demand.  Yeah, there's still commercials here and there, but they're usually really short.  And as a result, I've turned to watching the sitcom Whitney.

I seriously never hear about this show, or see any commercials for it (except before it previewed the first season), or know anyone personally who watches it.  Yet, it's still here.  And even though I watched a few episodes of the first season and wasn't feeling it, like an annoying Ke$ha song, the second season of Whitney just happened to magically grow on me.  Now sixteen episodes later, I actually like Whitney.  And because I like to play producer in my own head, I totally know why I feel the second season works while the first season didn't.

As a result, I think I've figured out HOW TO WRITE A SITCOM with these 5 simple tips:


1)  Have a central location where all the characters regularly hang out at.

In season two of Whitney, the writers/producers/ratings whores/whatever you call them had one of the main characters in the group, Mark, buy a bar called "The Low Bar".  Now they have a place to hang out.  And it makes all the difference in the world.

Season one the entire gang had no place to hang out.  You would never really see every character together in one scene unless they were at some special outing somewhere completely unfamiliar to the viewer.  BIIIG MISTAKE.  After all, where would Friends be without Central Perk, or How I Met Your Mother without MacLaren's?  And of course, Cheers. 

I think a common place where the gang can all hangout is crucial for a sitcom to succeed.  This is where the magic happens!  You can see the characters interact altogether, feel the chemistry between the entire cast, watch them banter back and forth, and lots of other "Man, I wish I had friends like that--they're so funny!" moments.  Even on The New Girl and The Big Bang Theory, everyone hangs out at their apartment most of the time, and have a few side places they always visit (Nick's bar for The New Girl and the comic book shop for The Big Bang Theory).  Without a central location for every person in the gang to hang out at just spells disaster.  Which brings me to my next point...


2)  Expand the gang to where there's at least 5 main characters, meaning you actually care what happens in all of their lives, not just one or two.

Season one of Whitney, Alex and Whitney were the main two characters, while everyone else were just side characters.  Yes, you saw them, yes sometimes they were funny, but you didn't actually really know anything about their lives or care whether they died or not, or even what the heck their names were.  

Season two of Whitney, however, you do know their names.  Sometimes, there's even episodes where Alex and Whitney aren't the main characters and the other people are.  I think the main goal is to get the audience to be invested in the entire cast.  Once again, I want to point out Friends because when people know the first AND last name of each character, you know you've done something right.  (Chandler Bing, Rachel Green, Monica and Ross Geller, come on we all know this...)


3)  It's not enough for each character to just be funny, they have to be different enough to each add something to the show.  Extra points if they have quirky habits.

Using Whitney as an example again, season one nobody had their own quirks.  Like yeah, there were little differences, but everyone was too normal.  Sometimes, I still feel that way even watching season two, but it's improved A LOT.  After watching season two, I can totally see Lily is the weird hippy-ish chick that doesn't have her life together, Roxanne is the bitchy one who's rich, Mark's kind of a loser on the outside but really isn't in terms of his life, Whitney's crazy, and I guess Alex is just an all-around good, funny guy.  Season one everyone just seemed to be making jokes (mostly observational humor) without really any distinct personality traits.  Throw in a new character R.J., the black guy, in season two and you've really got a mixed bag now.

I still think Whitney can improve on the character quirks, however.  Come on, every character has to have a distinctive quirk.  Monica with her obsessive cleanliness, Joey and his love of sandwiches, Raj can't talk to girls, and Sheldon has about two million too many to list.  These quirks make us remember them and love them for it.


4)  Have at least two characters live close to each other unless three or more characters live in a single apartment.

I think the rule goes like this: at least two characters (or combo of single/single, couple/couple, or single/couple) need to live nearby each other (the others can live in some magical fairly land we never see or care about) UNLESS three or more characters live in a single apartment, then it's okay if nobody lives close to each other.

I mean, you've gotta be able to barge into your friend's nearby apartment without knocking.  Otherwise, where would all the "Oops! I shouldn't have seen you do that" or "I definitely caught you at a bad time, be back later" jokes go?  Same rule applies when three or more people live together, except instead of nearby apartment it's nearby room.  You're bound to catch them doing something you shouldn't have.

Friends had Chandler and Joey live across the hall from Monica and Rachel.
The Big Bang Theory has Sheldon and Leonard live across the hall from Penny.
The New Girl has Nick, Jess, Winston, and Schmidt living together.
How I Met Your Mother had Ted living with Lily and Marshall.
Seinfeld had Jerry and Kramer live across from each other.
Even Whitney has Alex and Whitney living in the same building as Mark.


5)  Have an inside joke or on-going game(s) between the gang.

How I Met Your Mother is king of this.  And every other sitcom previously mentioned (Friends, The New Girl, The Big Bang Theory, and I'm sure many more) have this element as well. 

It's that moment you get when you watch the characters interact on the show and you get envious and think, "Man, they're sooo much fun!" And despite how much you love your friends (and you do), you glance at your friend blobbing out on the couch, completely focused on their cell phone, another one zoned into some video game, and maybe a third cooking some crap in your kitchen and making a mess, while you're itching to do something fun or at the very least have a funny, engaging conversation without the help of alcohol or mind-altering substances, and you can't help but think, "Hmm, if only I could trade them in..."


Well, there you have it.  My own made-up tips on how to write a sitcom.  Now let's all become millionaires like Jerry Seinfeld and quit our day jobs.  Oops, I already have (minus the millionaire part).